Last night I had a praise band meeting over at Leigh and Stephen's and after our covered dish meal and dessert, we went into their family room to discuss our Christmas music and I received a phone call from Hannah explaining to me that Brennon had drank a whole bottle of Motrin and she was rushing her to the ER. So I hurried out of there and got to Hannah's house and she met me in the road with Brennon and she placed her in my car and tore out to the hospital. I went in and checked on Ashton and Grayson and they were sound asleep. I called our neice Emily to see if she could come sit with the kids and of course she did. I love you EM! I prayed until Emily got there. God is ALWAYS with me. When I arrived at the ER, so many emotions were rushing through me, but I had to hold it together and I did for awhile. When I got into the hospital, BB was sitting in Hannah's lap holding her arms out wanting me to take her. I took her into my arms and held her until her Pop walked in and she then wanted him. When they called her to the back, I went with them and of all the rooms they could place us in it had to be the one, where I was when Debbie told us that Kenadi had passed. I told myself, you are NOT going to draw attention to yourself, but when Karen a nurse that I've known since she was a child came into the room, she knew without me having to say a word, she told the other nurse they were moving us to another room...PRAISE GOD...As we sat down in the other room, I prayed, I prayed and I prayed, no this was NOT like B&K's accident, but this did involve another one of my precious grand babies, the one born 5 days after B&K, she was the #4 child born of my 4 grandkids born within months of each other. All kind of emotions were turning in my head/stomach/heart, but I went into the "mother mode", for one's who do not know what that is our explain what it means to me...I put all my "fall apart now" on hold, I have to be strong for my child. Hannah was so upset, she had been crying, she blamed herself, just like she blames herself with the twins accident, but this was an ACCIDENT. I know she did not mean for this to happen, Brennon was able to open this child proof cap, that I could NOT open! To her it tasted good, bubble gum, is what she told me. I am so thankful, that it was Motrin and NOT Tylenol. They kept Brennon over night for observation, and she is alright. Praise God. I left the hospital to go stay with Ashton and Grayson and I turned off the "mother mode" and cried myself to sleep. When my alarm went off this morning at 5:45 am to get Ashton/Grayson up for school, I prayed before I ever woke them up, I wanted to be prepared for how Ashton would take the news. I woke her up first and she wanted to know where BB was, and why are you here Nana, I told her that BB was alright, but she had drank a whole bottle of Motrin and she was at the hospital, but her and mama would be home when she and Grayson got home from school. Ashton lost it...she cried for BB and she cried for Brayden and Kenadi. How do you explain to an 8 year old why these things happens, why did B&K have to die? I answered her by telling her we do not know why, but we do know that God is in control and He has a plan and a purpose for all of us. I'm not sure what to say, how do you say anything when you do NOT truly understand yourself. I know and I believe God does have a purpose and plan for all of us, I also know that NOTHING happens that He doesn't know before hand. I know He knows that Meredith and Gregg are hurting, my entire family is hurting. I know without Him I would NOT be making it through each day. YES...it's hard, Yes.. sometimes I want to give up, NOT face another day without B&K. My heart is so torn over their deaths, I was the one keeping them that day, I relive over that day, 1000's of times. What, How, why, over and over. I hurt because these precious babies are my baby girl's babies. Thoughts of can she or Gregg ever forgive me for this? Will I ever forgive myself? I experience on any given day; despondency, depression, dispair, guilt. But I am surviving on God's love and mercy, and I have hope in HIM. I know I will see B&K one day. I hurt beyond words, no one on this earth truly understands MY hurt. But I know my Lord and Savior, understands all these emotions, because He knows first hand what it's like to loose someone you love.. Please excuse the racing of my thoughts, I just write as it comes to me..